Healthy Renegade Turns Homeless Renegade...sort of.

A story of sacrifice, how I ended up sleeping at the gym and why I have been m.i.a


I have no doubt that I will be a complete and total success.  If you can taste your dreams, bold statements are allowed. I have no need to fear, the accountability that comes with sharing my aspirations with the world is simply fuel for the fire. How can I be so sure?   As I sit here and I write this entry, I'm starring at a group of people performing jiu jitsu in my living room.  I can also hear others lifting weights and running on the treadmill in the hallway.  Just around the corner, the floor is vibrating from the boxers jump roping where I sleep.  The front door is next to the cash resister and I share a bathroom with 350 other people.  This would all sound a little weird if they were actually at my house but the reality is, I'm in theirs.  What they call the gym, I now call home.  Let me explain.


 The life I was living just wasn't getting me any closer to where I wanted to be. Long exhausting hours in a job that no longer made sense, only to pay for an apartment I hated and also could not afford.  Spinning my wheels became part of my routine.  Wake, eat, work, get no where in life, sleep, repeat.  So I did something about it.  Quit my job, packed my things,  and came up with a new plan.  For the next 30-90 days, I will be re-grouping, re-evaluating and re-inventing my life.  

I started making a list what I considered fails in my life: Tractor beam work drama impossible to escape = fail. High rent, credit card debt, fail.  Long hours, low income, frustration, exhaustion - fail and F#ck!!   These things were making it impossible for me to keep my head above water. Can you relate?  So instead of continuing down the path leading to mainstream societal death, which is exactly what I consider settling for a life you are unhappy with, I decided to do something about it. I quit my job, where everyday was a toss up between banging my head against the wall or hanging myself in the bathroom with my shoelace. Now what about a place

to live?  Paying almost $1400 every month to a shoe box apartment that is so small, I could brush my teeth, wash dishes and sit in my living room all at the same time.   I'm just not comfortable  with that.  Who the hell is?  Yes,  I could have possibly downsized to a less expensive situation, but frankly I didn't want to.  I guess I was looking for a challenge.  So after vetoing the living in my car idea (which was seriously considered but a little too challenging, even for me), sleeping in hostels and flea bag motels, I turned to a friend who owned the boxing gym downtown.  Since I'm a husslin' kind of girl, always looking for a way to leverage my skills, talents, abilities, I explained the situation and told him I would trade him for rent.  Nope, not that kind of trade and not those kind of skills.  I prepare healthy meals for him in exchange for staying at his gym, which has full facilities including clean bathroom and shower, a fridge and even a couch I could sleep on.  But don't think for a second this place isn't a full on boxing gym, in all it's capacity.  Have you seen Million Dollar Baby?  I'm Morgan Freeman, less the private space and lazy eye. 


 So yes, I willingly gave up my seemingly comfortable life for one that by most standards is anything but comfy.  Keep in mind, I do not share this story to create some pity party, nor to make anyone worry or offer me food (the first person to offer me food or a dollar will get punched in the mouth).    It's not that I couldn't continue to do what I was doing.  It was no longer making me happy and so, needed to change. As a friend told me, perhaps I need a little self created drama to thrive off of.  I believe that I do.  Nothing is more driving than fear.  I have wonderful people in my life that have offered to let me stay with them and help in any way they can.  While I appreciate that beyond words, my choices, past and present are no one's responsibility but my own.  This entire venture is my choice and so I will rely on my strength, capability, courage, craftiness and independence.  Remember what I said in the beginning. Do what it takes.  Get where you want to be. Make things happen.  Live how you want to live.  Feel how you want to feel.  Look how you want to look.  Use fear as your fuel.  There are no excuses, only different levels of commitment toward the cause.  So really, am I all that crazy?  Ok, yeah, a little.  But at least I'm no longer insane.  


To your success and mine. Cheers!